Surat CinTAI versi Arteeyss Go Internasianal!!

Dear mah luvlee fanz,

Whaddup Aaa..!!! How’s my peeps feelin’? Hope u guyz r allrite, y’all.

I’m writin’ dis letter as a sign of appreciation for ur support and devotion to me all dis time. I know all dem other celebs keep sayin’ that they luv their fanz too. But I really mean it. I really do care about u, mah luvlee fanz, from the bottom of my broken heart. I was born to make u happy, and u guyz are born to make me rich. Hahaha… Nah, I’m juss kiddin, y’all. I don’t give a crap about the money. I’m doin’ it all becuz I luv ya. Everythin’ means nuthin’, if I ain’t got youuuu… Yeaaahhh… No no, I’m juss kiddin’ again. Please don’t take away my mansion in Pantai Indah Kapuk and my big fat bank account. Oops.

To all them haterz who been dissin’ ‘n doggin’ me… Juss go to hell, mutherfucka!

 

Ur just jealous of me. U ain’t nuthin’ but a bunch of shiyyt to me. And whoever sed I imitate X-Tina or Brit-Brit is a damn fool. Cuz I ain’t copyin’ nobody, y’all. Na’aw, I got my own stuff. I’m soooo friggin’ original dat my middle name is Original. Uhuh, dat’s right, my full name iz Agnes Original Monica Muljoto. Tru dat! Juss check my birth certificate, bitchez! Oh no no, I didn’t say dat to u, mah luvlee fanz. I luv u. I was sayin’ dat for all the haterz and the playaz who been dissin’ ‘n doggin’ me ‘n tryinna bring me down. U feelin’ me, rite?

Y’know, dat’s why I’m wearin’ this friggin’ yellow plastic chainz as a necklace. To prove to all y’all dat I’m so fuckin’ original. I mean, puh-leez, it’s not like I can’t afford a real bling. Helloooo…?! I got 2 Jaguarz at home geto lowh !!

Anywayz, Imma set a new fashion trend, y’all. The “Plastic Chainz Bling” trend. Imma wear ‘em as a necklace, as a belt, as… well, whatever, y’know. Well,, I feel dat originality is soooo damn important, especially since I have a plan to “go international”. But don’t get me twisted, y’all. By “go international”, I don’t mean like friggin’ Kris “I’m Famous In Malaysia & I Did A Show In Japan” Dayanti. I wanna be like JLo, famous! U know what I’m sayin’, rite?

And I know that mah luvlee fanz in all over the world are going to like it too. Imma hit ‘em up style, y’all!! And besides, my stage costumes are endorsed by FUK Fashion , a division of TJE FUK Cosmetics . I have to wear their clothes for each and every one of my performance. That way, all the motherfuckas in the world can see that I FUK -ed myself. SO GO FUK YOURSELVES, TOO!!

Anywayz, I know I can do it. I got the rite stuff. I got the talent and the moves. And my English is excellent, becuz FYI: English is my second language. But I also need ur luv ‘n support, mah luvlee fanz. So dat my international career won’t end up like Coco “My Career Sank Faster Than The Titanic” Lee. Or worse, like that Tata “Sexy Naughty Bitchy Shitty Skanky Nasty Itchy-Stratchy You-Got-My-Temperature-Rising-Like-Hitachi” Young.


Anywayz, I gotta bounce now. Me & my crew r goin’ out to ride around in my hood. And by hood, I mean Muara Angke, where I live now. Don’t forget see my concert y’all! So you know, before ending this letter, just imagine me singing this for you, y’all!

Sthroberiii… Oshtraliaaaa…
Haamerikaaa… jheruuuuk Haamerikaaa…
Meeelonnhhh… dari Thailaaaand…


Yes.. Yes.. That’s it. The lowest point of my carreer. Naah, I mean the best advertisement I’ve done all my life. . Take good care, y’all . And remember, I luv u, mah luvlee fanz.

Luv ‘n Kissez,

A to tha G to tha N-E-Z to tha M to tha O to tha N-A-C-O…
No wait! I screwed up. Lemme start again…

A to tha G to tha N-E-Z to tha O to tha M to…
What the… That ain’t right, y’all…

It’s A to tha G to tha U-S to tha…
FUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK…!!!!^@*&$!@#*&!!!

3 Responses

  1. hwehehe,, ga berenti ngakak gw bacanya.. kocak mampus..!

  2. huahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahha…….
    two thumbs uppppp!

  3. makasih. buatan gw lho. *cuih* sayang dah vakum ampir staun ga nulis,, dah nyaingin hibernasi beruang kutub. ow ow ow

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